Have you ever had a conversation with someone who says all the ‘right things’ and looks interested, but somehow, you just know they aren’t? We’ve all experienced this at times, and it can make us feel disconnected from the person we are speaking with. We’ve probably been this person from time to time – we run from emails to appointments to meetings and our grocery lists and family obligations pop into our minds unannounced. Although this phenomenon is common (and pervasive in our culture), the disconnection that results makes an effective coaching session almost impossible. The person opposite is far less likely to become vulnerable in exploring the issue they want to solve or goal they want to reach.
On the flip-side, the connection we feel from a two-way, invested conversation is called presence. Todd Musselman, a Vistage speaker, describes presence as “the portal to being everything as a human.” Presence sets the foundation for coaching and gives both parties a road map to success. It’s time well spent.
Prioritizing presence comes down to your mindset and actions. Here are a few strategies you can begin working with today.
First, start with you. Before you meet with the person, ask yourself: What am I bringing to this moment? What stories am I telling myself? What feelings and thoughts are left over from a previous interaction or email? Take a few deep breaths and put them aside (you can always come back to them) and channel your focus on the person in front of you and your purpose, right then. Practice putting space your coaching conversation and your previous tasks.
Facilitate focus. Turn off and away from distractions like your phone or computer and create a space that’s separate from your work space. Attend with your whole body, leaning in.
Actively show acceptance and support. Focus on understanding the person’s perspective and shut off any judgment that may creep into your awareness. Coaching skills are all about encouraging others to open up, discover and move forward.
Stay curious. Curiosity is about wondering and being inquisitive with others in a way that supports their goals. Ask ‘how’ and ‘what’ questions that lead the other person to know more about themselves and what they want. Being curious (without judgment or expectation) creates safety and challenges others at the same time.
It’s wonderful to feel tuned-in and connected when you are talking with someone about something important to them. Practice presence when coaching, and everywhere in your life. You will discover how it brings joy and authenticity to everyday moments.
