Our LWC Coaching model has four core skills: Listening Actively, Coaching Questions, Encouragement and Creating Ownership. Perhaps the most elusive for leaders is encouragement. Why is encouragement a core skill when leaders coach? What makes it challenging for leaders and how can they mindfully integrate it into their coaching and their leadership style?
The essence of coaching is helping others gain the awareness and insight to address challenges and move forward. Encouragement is a cluster of behaviors that fosters a person’s courage to embark on that new path or change. Ultimately, in coaching the focus is the person not the problem or challenge. Encouragement provides the emotional boost to those we coach to take risks and move beyond fear.
When people strive to reach new goals, they often feel fearful. They can get stuck and resist acting. What could happen if they cross the stream or jump over the hurdle? What’s on the other side? The best encouragement is specific, timely and positive in nature. As a leader/coach, your encouragement reminds them of their strengths, successes and progress.
One leader, AnnMarie, shared with me a magical moment when encouragement made a difference. She was coaching a team member who was unsure about taking on a new and unfamiliar role. The team member, Michelle, was afraid to fail and not do well. There was much for her to learn, and she felt daunted. Anne Marie acknowledged the challenge and then asked Michelle, “When was the last time you took on something new that had a steep learning curve?” Michelle thought for a moment and brightened, “Yes! I felt that way that when I started my current role.” I had forgotten how hard it felt. “What did you do”, asked AnnMarie? Michelle thought back and then began to list her strategies. The ideas flowed and her confidence grew. Anne Marie encouraged her, “You know how it feels to take on a challenging new role and succeed.”
Encouragement seems like an obvious skill to use when coaching others. Yet leaders struggle to harness its power. They struggle to be authentic and find words that convey the emotional message of encouragement and support. In addition, our cultural and personal beliefs can prevent us from forming the encouragement habit. What are these hindrances to encouraging others? What rings true for you from this list?
Why Leaders Don’t Encourage
- I don’t need it! Many leaders perceive that they don’t need much encouragement. They believe they rose to their position without others offering much support. Their need for encouragement is like a camel who could wait to drink water at the next oasis. They don’t understand that other people’s need for “water” on a challenging journey is different.
- Isn’t self-motivation better? Some believe that people shouldn’t need appreciation. They should simply be self-motivated. This belies the power of leadership and the reality that people are looking for approval and support from leaders as they grow and change. When others encourage us, we feel affirmed. It becomes part of us.
- Too much is bad. Some believe too much encouragement is bad. Too much creates dependence on others for approval and can undermine productivity. The research, however, rejects that belief. A workplace that reminds us of our value and encourages everyone to take risks and grow is a culture in which people enthusiastically engage and accomplish results.
- I don’t have the time. Many leaders feel like they don’t have the time to give encouragement. There’s too much to do. They are too busy solving problems and putting out fires! Yet each time a leader encourages can be short and sweet, lifting up the other person for a moment that endures.
If these beliefs stop you from stepping in and positively acknowledging others, it’s time to build the encouragement habit. Stop and notice. Each day, in each conversation, find something to say to the other person that positively acknowledges their progress or something they did to add value.
Consider these examples:
- Praise the resolve it takes to change “I admire your courage to tackle this issue.”
- Be vulnerable – share something you overcame that was tough. “I remember feeling that way when I started. I struggled and asked for help. That made a difference for me.”
- Leverage Strength—that from which they get joy. “I noticed that when you talk about your team you smile and look energized.”
- Make it emotional not just factual. “Can you share a time when you felt confident to manage others? What did that feel like?”
- Point out their progress. “Two months ago, this felt impossible, but here you are making great progress.”
- Connect what they are doing to their goals and values. “Accomplishing this project really fits with your goals this year.”
To develop the encouragement habit, set a goal for encouraging your team each day.
While we can’t coach well without encouragement integrated into our approach, neither can we effectively lead without being a leader who encourages.
